“When in Doubt”

“When in Doubt” by Robin Estevez

Today I’m finding myself with doubts
With the resistance calling my name
Enticing me to quit
I shall not call it quits
Do not know where this has come from
Do not know why
Why am I having this conversation with myself
I can’t put my hands in my pocket & call it a day
There is to much to do
To much to become
When the self doubt gets loudest is
When you must take action & quiet its nauseating chant
Deliberate action is the only cure
So I will write
I will post
I will shut its mouth by showing what I’m made of
By doing the necessary work
Required to slay the doubts

My Papers

Born in New York City
With an immigrants heart
In me flows the blood, sweat and tears of those who came before me
No matter that I am a US citizen
I’m a citizen of the world
A representative of all those who dreamed to make it
Maybe by happenstance my papers may not stand a chance
But the proper seal won’t seal my fate
In my own hands
A dream too big to hold
Got to let it fly
It lifts my my soul to the sky
Telling me to keep on going
You see an immigrant can forget about the pain & struggle
But never of those left behind
Because the dream feeds & nourishes him
To keep on keeping on
Because here in the USA is where you make it
Bring them all together to build it
America is the promised land
Now won’t you please hand me my papers

You Fill Me

Today just as yesterday
You fill me
You’ve made me
Held in your arms
You’ve given me my life
Its hard enough to find someone to trust
Let alone the person made for you
We were made for each other
From adventures dreamed up by our own crazy
Creativity
We got creative
Through ups & downs
To now
Where I can’t even imagine
Life before you
& never without you
My dreams
Made into flesh & bone
Hugs & kisses
The warmth of your body next to mine
I’m in love with you
My heart
My soul
My life
My breath

“Nowadays”

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“Nowadays” by Robin Estevez

Tip tap on cold clear glass
Letters form text SMS
No more hand written thank you’s
Just a happy face emoji 🙂
Are we losing a sense of emotion
With this constant finger motion
Of sending out texts & emojis
Whole conversations had
Without a word ever spoken
Eyes glued to a screen so bright
That our vision is blurred from what’s
Within sight
Removed from the present
Our presence online is all that matters
So we’ve wrapped all the bad & ugly & hid them away
Only posting our wonderful days
Vacations, food porn, red cups in the air
All Instagramed to your followers, stalkers
Snooping around
Digging deep into your “Likes”
Who this & why didn’t I get an invite
No need for Tom to peep in your window
‘Cause you already let the mob in to view all your goodies
So take a step back
Put down the iPhone, Android
Be in the Now, live into life
& step out of the void

Back Home

I first wrote this about two days ago & has my 12 year daughter, Isabella, read it.  She didn’t feel it was ready “because it doesn’t mesh well.”  And told me to keep at it.  I did but couldn’t seem to fix it because with each revision she would send me back to work at it again.  I finally asked for her help & she worked her magic helping to the final version published on the blog.  Thanks Isabella for your help!

“Back Home” by Robin & Isabella Estevez

I close my eyes, and
Am transported back to the dirt road
Wet moist morning dew
& I hear the roosters sing
Cock-a-doodle-doo

We brushed our teeth out of an empty can of coffee
Freshening up by the side of a palm tree
While a fresh pot sat over an open flame
Grandma fed her fogon while she prayed in his name

We carried water on mules from the river
Eating mangoes in the shade
This was our remedy, our life giver
During the hottest part of the day
Cool & wet we dove deep
Washing the sweat away

But first gotta catch our lunch though
Para nuestro almuerzo
We began chasing chickens, catching them
Plucking these big beautiful hens
We were all just around ten
All we will eat came from the fields
that Grandfather keeps
Just off the to the dirt road
In the mountainous valley that will no longer be

I see a little boy now playing and
Bathing under a rain spout
Smiling ‘cause tomorrow
We won’t have to bring the mules about
We collected all the raindrops
These memories live & shout

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When things don’t plan out

You still have to take care of your business even though you did everything right to take the day off.  You had planned it perfectly but a fastball was thrown straight at head.  And when that happens you either duck, get out of the way or get hit & take a walk. You only have 2 seconds to react. So when the pitcher tries to intimidate you & get into your head just remember your the one holding the bat.

Taking a Step Back

Today I struggled with my post.  Worked at it but it just didn’t mesh as my 12 year old told me. She is my most discerning critic who’s opinion I value & trust. So I will keep at it & let this be my entry for today, “Thank you Isabella for not letting me quit & demanding more of me.”

“I’m so…”

“I’m so…”

Little did they realize how much they
Understand the
Children these day gain their
Knowledge from their parents they
Youth not wasted
Kindness ingrained in them to
Choose right from wrong
Unfettered by what’s happening in this crazy
Life is their enternal blessing

Look closely at the 1st letter of each line & the title will read…I’m So Lucky.

Wrote this when I stopped at @ McD’s parking lot.
Poem

Batteries Included

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Looking for those who come
Batteries included
No laggards need apply
Back strong but I won’t carry ya’
I’ll walk that extra mile
Waving bye bye
Those still in the cradle
Wanting to be sung a lullabye
If you’re ready
Come with me
& we’ll climb that ladder
That Jacob set
Won’t put my hands in my pocket
I’ll give it to you
To lift you up
& walk right there with me
Do you believe in me
To make it
Do you believe in us
To create it
We’ll break the mold
Sweat will drip from our brow
We will not fold
Others will think out loud
Look at them Wow!

“Rituals Trump Willpower” by Robin Estevez

In the last 30 days you’ve seen me develop and cultivate a new habit of writing daily. I have always written on and off but never consistently and with intention. It is something I enjoy and wanted to make it a daily habit. The push to commit came from Winnie Kao’s, (Seth Godin’s assistant & my favorite author) “Your Turn Challenge” where she challenged participants to write and ship for 7 days! I was in and knew right away that I would go for a full 30 days to make it a habit.

In order to be successful I knew that I would have to make writing part of my morning routine. For me developing positive morning rituals sets up the day for continuous wins. There are entire books dedicated to the theme of developing habits. If you want to dig deeper pick up these books “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg and “Daily Rituals: How Artist Work” by Mason Currey to really get a greater understanding and learn the science behind your habits. I’m going to summarize them for you and give you a sneak peak into my morning routine.

My morning routine really starts off the night before where I set small triggers to push/pull me forward into flow. For a few years now I’ve followed this routine which I like to call “my PMED+W” (a name I borrowed from my friend Lee Brower & added the +W to). PMED stands for Prayer, Meditation, Exercise, Diet, and Writing. Before going to bed each night I set up different “stations” throughout my home for each. So that once I wake up as I’m walking throughout my house they trigger my desired action…the gym clothes set out the night before I put them on am ready to break a sweat. My bible and journal remind me to pray, encourage my faith, give thanks and write. A favorite chair to meditate in. I need not think about them they just happen and really only take a few extra minutes in the morning/evening to help me along in my quest to become the best version of myself. (Your routine should be simple enough that anyone could follow them with a simple set of instructions.)

You will find that developing good habits are more about ritual than willpower. Willpower is hard and ever fleeting that’s why when you’ve had a long stressful day it’s easier to cop out and order a burger and fries even though you eaten well all day. This happens because willpower combined with decision fatigue have been used up essentially the tank is empty. It’s also why Steve Jobs and others wear the same outfit daily. They don’t want to use up their willpower on non-important tasks like what to wear. You see willpower and decision fatigue don’t care if you’re negotiating a $1,000,000 deal or what to shirt to wear they both tax your willpower reservoir just the same. So you should really use your willpower for those meaningful important choices you need to make ritualize the rest.

The easy way to eliminate the hard work of building a great set of habits is by building a routine around your desired outcome. In my case I wanted to write daily consistently and with intention. I found the space right after prayer and reading the bible to be the best fit for it. Before would drink my coffee checking email and social media. Now I’m writing as I drink my coffee – social media will have to wait to later in the day.
I asked myself which is most important to me? Writing or checking emails, Facebook or Twitter. It was an easy change and fit perfectly into my routine. I cannot stress this enough if you want to improve in some aspect of your life look for triggers and habits you have built around it. What is your desired action/outcome? How can you make them recur without or minimal effort? Look to build upon those good habits you have and use them as a jumping point.

Finally it is commonly known that it takes about 21 days to create a new habit. That gives you 17 opportunities throughout the year to develop entirely new set of habits. Think about if you just improved just 2 or 3.